I don’t know the first thing about yoga. So when my lovely girlfriend suggested I do hot yoga with her, I didn’t know what to say. I eventually agreed and quickly realize that I had no idea what I would be getting myself into. Before getting into my hot yoga experience, I’ll give you brief background of myself. Chronic profuse sweater? Check. Flexibility of a lead pipe? Check.Balance of a boomerang standing on its side? Definitely, check.
When I first walked into the room I was blasted in the face with a wave of heat. I thought that this was going to take all of my energy to complete the full 90 minutes. I instantly began to feel beads of sweat form on my forehead. Which is pretty normal for me. The entire class laid on the ground to practice breathing and I followed suit. Surprisingly, I quickly adjusted to the heat. This was probably due to my body constantly being hot and sweaty all the time. I laid there and it was pretty relaxing. Little did I know that shit was about to get really real.
The class started off with some simple stretches and a long breathing exercise. Soon it turned into me folding and twisting my body in ways it was not built for. My plump, mushy physique was built for comfort and definitely not speed. Our instructor breezed through repetitive commands which stretched me out beyond recognition. I wish I could remember the names of the poses, but I was too focused on not falling on my sweaty face in front of everyone. I did, however, remember her telling the class to fold themselves like a “Japanese ham sandwich.” For the rest of the class I kept wonder what was a “Japanese ham sandwich,” and that led to so many more questions. Here are some of the questions that popped in my head as I popped my joints:
Does Trader Joe’s carry Japanese ham sandwiches? Am I willing to risk battling through their parking lot just to find out?
Is this a grotesque sex act I can find on urban dictionary? If not, should I invent it?
Is that what I’m smelling right now?
Is it too late to rename this blog to japanesehamsandwich.com? .org?
Does Japan even have ham?
Overall, I really liked the experience. I completed the full 90 minutes of balancing, stretching, and sweating. Amazingly, I had an easier time than some of the others who were regulars. I felt proud of myself as I walked out of the studio. I wouldn’t sign up to do it for a month, but I would definitely go back again. Maybe once every few months. In the meantime I’ll go have myself a Japanese ham sandwich.